WHAT'S UP WITH ME

WARNING: This is not a "funny" post - if you want a "funny" post I will be posting "funny" - or at least "mildly amusing" - later today. Thank you for your support. You are all like big jock straps to me. I mean it.

I have been avoiding boring you with a post like this. You don't come here for honesty, or for me to share my "feelings." Let's face it ... you come here for the sex, the swearing and the shoes. And for that, I say you have your priorities straight.

But I also feel like I owe you an explanation. I haven't been posting very often lately. The posts I do make are kind of half-assed and not up to my standards. (And some of you have told me that too - thanks for your honesty. Assholes!) I've written them rather quickly and in a panic that if I don't post SOMETHING none of you will ever come back and visit me anymore. I may seem like a bitch on the outside, but I still love me some love and adoration. And gifts. I love me some gifts. Feel free to send them at any time. My shoe size is a 9. Except in Manolos. Then I'm a size 9 1/2.

Thing is, I got back into this blogging thing last fall after a hiatus because I missed it. I kind of THREW myself back into it, actually, no holds barred. That's the kind of bitch I am - all or nothing. I either go to the gym every day and try to kill myself for 2 hours, or I don't go to the gym at all and sit on my ass and eat an entire package of Oreos. I give 110 percent, baby.

But life is about balance. If you pour everything into one thing, other things suffer. Then my work load got a lot worse because apparently some asshole told my boss I can do the work of 5 people - not just 4. Then there were some money issues, and step-son issues, and "oh my god I need a margarita" issues. Everything started to suffer. And I started feeling guilty about it. The only thing I still DON'T feel guilty about is being mean to people. Fuckers deserve it. But I do feel guilty when I'm not doing things as well as I want to. It drives me crazy.

For the last month, I've been in an eternal cycle of guilt that I should be doing this, and I should be doing that, and I should be doing this better, and I really should have slapped that door-to-door salesman harder, etc. etc. It has been fucking exhausting. I thought several times about just quitting this blogging thing again - to have one less thing to feel guilty about - but that made me feel even more guilty. I love doing this. I really do. Being a bitch is what I do best. And sharing my bitchiness with the world - well, it's a calling.

I also thought of all you fantastic bloggers out there that have kids, and spouses and jobs and problems but who are still able to post quality content with seemingly no effort or problem whatsoever. I have to admit I kind of hate you guys. You make me feel like a big loser, not to mention a colossal whiner. If you have a secret, please share it with me, and I will be less tempted to stab you with a letter opener, or send a herd of rabid midgets to attack you at your house. Okay, I won't actually do that - mostly because all my midgets have had their shots. But still, if you can do it, why can't I? And who am I to bitch about not being able to do it, when I don't have children or half the problems others do?

Great. More guilt.

So here is my plan. I've decided to try to achieve some level of balance and stop being a guilt-ridden sissy-baby. I'm taking a couple weeks to figure some crap out - to get caught up on work stuff - and in the meantime I WILL post, but it will still be not as often I'd like still. I WILL be back posting at least four times a week again - but I need to figure out how to do that well first, and without making myself crazy. I don't want to do this if it is half-assed. But I also know I can't treat it like it is my job either. I have a job. This is my hobby. This and drinking and shoe shopping. And sadly, I haven't been doing those very well either. I've worn the same pair of heels three days in a row. That's how fucked up I am. It's really very sad.

Anyway, I hope all of you hang in there with me. Because the best thing about blogging has been getting to know all of you. You guys make me laugh more than I make you laugh. And laughter is the best way to stay sane, I say. Although sometimes it also takes a vacation with tequila. And cabana boys.

Thanks for reading.

CB

Comments

[Talina Norris]

I second your post... I am a lazy ass these days and emotionally distracted. A cabana boy may fix it... :-P

Hang in there, we understand- shit happens.

[Kath]

Take all the time you need, Your Cookieness. We'll be here waiting patiently :-)

[Dawn]

Take a week or two to get your poop in a group.... I'm sure I won't be the only one checking back to make sure you post or nag the shit outta you if you don't hehehe.

[rebecca]

i dont think you should feel so pressured to write! everybody has down time and it's unhealthy to make yourself feel so guilty all the time :/ i say take all the time you need, i'll read no matter what you write about because as long as you're being honest, it's all good!

[Kimberly]

Last time I blogged was in February. Every time I feel guilty I buy a pair of shoes to make it go away. Make guilt work for you, that's my theory.

I blame Spring and all this "spring cleaning" crap being forced down our throats.

It'll all come together and your fans will still be here waiting with baited breath. (worm breath? huh?)

In the meantime, I'll dedicate my next shoe purchase to you!

[Chantal]

I'm not sure if I can actually take you on, but I'll kick your ass if you quit.

You'll find a way to make it all work. If not, I'll damn well MAKE you find a way to make it work.

All in good fun of course, I'll even bring alcohol ;-)

[Veronica]

I hope the heels you wore for 3 days were at least sexy and comfortable heels.

I shall be waiting with chewed nails til you get back.

[Miss J]

Screw guilt. Or wash it away with tequila. Or whatever. Just don't post half-assed bullshit while you have most of your mind on real-world worries, just to be posting SOMETHING. That will suck all the fun out of it, and turn blogging into a chore, and then you really WILL quit. That would make me sad. Or possibly angry, in which case I won't buy you a lap dance from the midget stripper when you're in town. So THERE.

[melanie]

I want to be on the "tequila and cabana boy" watch RIGHT NOW! :sighs: This life thing is shit sometimes but its what we got. Lets make a sam-mich and kill the taste with margaritas while wearing awesome heels followed by cookies. Good luck getting caught up.

i will pass on the guilt if you don't mind. i think I got that jar pretty well full.

[ie]

You totally deserve lots of breathing, tequila, and non-touching hugs! heehee

Hang in there, CB. Things will work out they they need to. And in the meantime, we will be looking forward to your next post.

Oh, and yeah, screw the guilt.