DON'T TOUCH THOSE SOCKS!

My step son is here for the summer. He's almost 15.

His mother has never been one to accept the fact that her little boy is no longer a little boy. At 5 '7, 210 pounds, he's really more like a linebacker. Forget asking him to unscrew the pickle jar, or haul heavy stuff around the house. I ask him to go beat up people for me - like that kid who keeps shooting plastic BB's into our yard. Sometimes I just bring him along for the intimidation factor - like when I have to go the auto mechanic. "Okay, I'll take your word for it that my carburetor is shot. But if I find out you're lying, my step-son here will have to pay you a visit - and it won't be a friendly visit, capiche?"

Right before the linebacker came to our house, my husband got a panicked phone call from his ex. Once he got the screeching to stop, he managed to figure out what the problem was. Apparently the lad was touching himself quite frequently these days. And she wanted it to stop.

"When he comes there for the summer, I want you to have a talk with him. He's not to touch himself anymore!" she cried.

"Did you talk to him about it?" my husband asked her. "What did you say?"

"I told him it was gross and disgusting and that he should wait until he's married to touch himself."

Nice. Confuse the boy for life. After all, don't you need to touch yourself the most when you AREN'T married and don't have a built in outlet? And I'd be more worried if the boy wasn't touching himself at this point. Men just like to touch themselves. It's normal for them, like laughing at their own farts. Hell ... I still can't get my husband to take his hands out of his pants sometimes.

I grew up in a family where we didn't talk about sex ... didn't even acknowledge it existed. I got all my information about sex from the playground. I remember in elementary school when someone said something about masturbation, causing all the other kids to laugh. I didn't know what the hell it meant, and my lack of laughter obviously gave my naivety away. The kids jumped on me like I was a trampoline made out of Skittles. "You don't know what masturbation is! HA HA ... LOSER!" they said. "I DO SO!" I insisted. This went on for awhile until I broke down crying and ran away. When I asked my mother later what masturbation was, she looked at me horrified and told me what I didn't know couldn't hurt me.

I always told myself I would never put my kids through that. When I was in college, I knew a girl whose parents had always been very open with her about sex, and she just seemed so much more at ease with herself because of it. She wasn't as insecure as all of us who had to look up masturbation in the dictionary. I vowed to be like her parents and not have my kids feeling bad about sex, or like it was something dirty or secretive. So naturally, this whole thing with my step-son upset me. I vowed to be the cool chick who would be calm and rational about his pubescent changes. I'd be open and honest, and emphasize he was normal and healthy.

Then he came to our house, and my plan began falling apart. I wasn't as liberal as I thought, I found out. I wasn't as cool as I wanted to be. To be honest, I became a little nuts. I started worrying when he took long showers, or stayed in his room for hours that he was TOUCHING HIMSELF the whole time. I became afraid of going into his room or touching his laundry - especially after a friend at work told me that her step-sons used to jack off into their socks. Jacking off in socks is a long-held male secret that many women don't know about. Apparently, its just a good way to keep it contained and off the wall or floor. Even my friend didn't know about this at first. For a long time, she would pick up these crusty, stiff socks from their room without any understanding why they were so foul. Then her husband told her what they were probably doing, and she was never the same again. When she relayed this story to me, I was never the same again either.

I began viewing my step-sons socks with suspicion, and a little nausea. If I saw his hands near his crotch at any time, I had to suppress a panic attack. Was he going to touch himself? WAS HE?!!!

No matter how cool of a parent you think you are, it is just weird to see your kids turn into adults. It wasn't just my step-son's mom that had a hard time seeing him as growing up. Apparently I was having some issues too. I have known him since he was 5, and it just seemed weird to think of him as almost being a man - a man with urges and thoughts and a penis with a mind of its own. Soon I would be giving him handfuls of condoms and telling him I wasn't going to be raising any babies he accidentally fathered. Where had the time gone?

I have held it together so far - and have managed to deal with the whole situation by making his FATHER deal with the whole situation for me. And I've also taught the boy to do his own laundry, avoiding the whole sock phobia I've developed. I'm sure I'll get used to it over time. But right now, I'm taking my mother's advice and hoping that what I don't know - or don't want to know - won't hurt me. Or him, for that matter.

Comments

[DA]

God that was hilarious. To the writer, if you are a step-mom and the son is now a strong young man (who's just startin to grow up), how can you even think of talking to him abt all these things? Wouldn't it be awkward? I really do think that you guys from the older generation are too sweet and innocent. What if it gives him the wrong idea...

If you don't believe me, go to any porn site (youporn, xvideos) and check out the 'mom/step mom' category. Not saying that kids hit on their step-mom's, but there are a lot of raunchy videos out there with themes like that. Pretty much all of them start with a 'cool step-mom' who's open about 'sex'...

Also too late guys. 'Young lads' readin this page already...Hahaha... Well the way you guys are talkin abt this is ridiculous.

Would you guys PLEASE leave your kids alone. It is so damn disgusting to spy on them or talk abt their 'sexual active'ness' like this.

Why exactly do you want them to stop touching themselves? Cause they don't want to 'wank all the time' either, but sometimes they just do... In fact we have heard of kids who do it 4-6+ times a day.

[Healthy Man]

For the most part, reading this site only reinforces the notion that there are a lot of very sexually repressed individuals in the world. Someone please tell what IS the problem with masturbation?? It is a good, healthy release of sexual energy and or stress and it is perfectly natural. Thanks to the one or two other posters who shared honestly about their masturbation habits. Come on, folks, let's get real. As a 50 year old single healthy man I masturbate nearly daily and have since I was a teenager -- even when I was married and had a great love life with my wife. Let your teens -- boys AND girls -- explore their bodies in a safe way and release their sexual tensions naturally. You should be happy they are masturbating instead of populating!!!

[Moses]

Haha, this post is awesome! I think it is very inteligent and humorous at the same time. I'm a guy and I've been using my own socks to masterbate with since I was 14 or so. I do recognize its kind of gross but I launder them often and use bleach so they end up good as new.

[Butch Kara]

I discovered the pleasures of my dad's work socks when I was eleven. Later, tube socks were even better. I was too young to buy lube, spit never lasted long enough and a good sock felt great. I don't understand why this would gross anybody out. Surely you wouldn't want your little linebacker coming home and announcing he'd decided to give up masturbation, found a girl to mate with, and made a baby, would you? Oops, sorry, forgot - there's always CELIBACY.....

[jobs in st louis]

Apparently, no person won't dare to touch it. Not literally, it symbolizes how dirty the current government is.

[Generic Viagra]

So the thing that make you stop to do the right thing it was the thought of his socks. I think that it is worse to try to protect them to know the true because in any moment they will release the pressure and we don't know if it is the worse way possible.

[generic viagra]

ok im a teenage girl, and i was caught by my mom. its even weirder because i use my moms portable shoulder massager to do it! just as i orgasmed, she walked in, and i scrambled to cover up but she saw and knew what i was doing... she was all like "what are u doing" and i was like "yes, i do THAT" and shes like "i dont wanna know" and she walked out!! but the thing is that she is very proper, and hates anything from kissing to sex. she calls (but only when shes drunk) my 17 yr old sister a whore for not being a virgin..... PLEASE HELP?!? WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?!?

[dadoftheboy]

My son and I live alone. I told him everything I knew about it(quite a lot since it's been my favorite game for about 25 years now), and I gave him a lock on his door and told him I didn't want to walk in on him, just like he doesn't want to walk in on me. I also told him that any shower longer than 10-15 minutes was an dead give-away. That was at 13. He's been doing his own laundry since 10, so unless there was a question, (there have been a few) we could pretend he and Dad both have locks on their doors because we don't our work/homework to be disturbed.

[matthew conway]

my son thinks it is nasty to use his own socks, trust me, he didnt lock his door when he was sixteen and i walked in on him using one of his 19 year old sister's socks, uh, that was nasty!

[Joe]

This grossed me out, BTW. And..OK, I've used a sock, but I'd never even heard of it until much later in life. I was clearly deprived.