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i'm in wal-mart in a small rural alabama town and needed to pick up some condoms... regardless of what she says, i always wrap that rascal... condoms aren't an item you can typically just buy separately for some reason... so a half gallon of milk and a bag of chips seem to be the items of choice this particular evening...

the lines were packed but this young girl opened an express lane and didn't bat much of an eye as she rang me up... my in and out time was perfect and as i headed to the door, i was feeling pretty damn proud and was home free... or so i thought... as i passed through the doors, an alarm goes off…

for a brief second i think about bolting... instead i do the right thing and freeze in my tracks... this little old woman, probably easily in her 80s, comes over to check my receipt... one bag, three items... it definitely isn't the milk or chips that set it off... so she fishes out the box of condoms, raises them high over her head and yells out to the girl in the express lane, "did you sell these to this young man..?" as she waves them for all to see… i swear i thought all 19,000 people in that small town were there that night and they were all fixing their glares on me...

red faced and totally busted, i shrunk out of there as soon as this grandmotherly figure cleared the anti-theft device in my box of trojans...

needless to say, i now buy condoms separate from my groceries and typically from the local drug store…


Beautiful. Like Sandra, I'm always SO paranoid that the clerk and other people in line are eyeing my choices and judging me.

I hear them thinking, "Oh, like SHE needs another Pecan Sandie."

I think my most embarrassing buy would have to be every time Lean Cuisine goes on sale. I literally fill the cart.

Hey, they're good and they last forever! And when they're two bucks a pop, you can't beat it!

Wombat and Midwest

C-bitch, I spent six months taking every opportunity to line up at the check-out with an Asahi Super-Dry six-pack, in the hope of finding a date.

Ended up with my spare room full of beer, a gut, and an inexplicable appetite for sushi.

What gives?



The grocery crowd could rake in a fortune's worth of supplemental blackmail income should they ever threaten to break their silence. I would argue that the prescription fillers of the world have plenty of ammunition as well.


This is GREAT! Heineken guy is definitely a keeper.
I live in a very small town, so I DON'T shop here. Word spreads quickly :)


My worst experience was when along with my regular groceries I bought a box of condoms. Which wouldn't have bothered me, except that a teenager I had been a mentor to saw me and ran over to help me unload my cart (I just happened to be in her cashier friend's line). I think I managed to slip the Trojans past her, but I felt awkward knowing she might see them.


Ok, the grocery store clerks are people too. They have to buy food somewhere. I can't imagine that they don't have crazy combos of items as well. I think they understand. If not, they probably think I am a a total loon for buying tampons, a butter brush, sunflower seeds and Certain Dri last night.


Oh my gosh. I get SO self-conscious about my grocery selection sometimes. And it's not just the check-out clerk who I worry about - I tend to eye people in line and ponder what they think about my food choices. I nearly apologized to a woman who seemed vegetarian (she had lots of tofu and veggies in her basket) for my steak selection the other day. And then there's the "must ingest crap" days , where I have been known to buy a frozen pizza, ice cream and both US Weekly and People.


Budweiser is never a borderline choice. It is the King of Beers and should be treated as such.

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