I don't want kids.
It is amazing how many people think I'm SATAN because of this admission. (Note: I am not Satan, I just look like him first thing in the morning.)
Married a year now, I have coworkers, friends, elderly aunts, grocery store clerks, people that I just meet on the street NAGGING me all the time about when I will begin producing children. Here I thought by getting married, I'd stop them from getting all over my ass about finding someone to share my life with so I wouldn't die alone with 87 cats chewing on my corpse. BUT NO ... they found a whole new thing to jump on my ass about.
Sometimes with the inquiry about kids comes a comment about my age, and how I need to shoot babies out soon before my ovaries dry up and blow away. I've had one acquaintance actually look at her watch and make a "tick tock" noise. She's lucky to be alive, although they had a hard time removing the letter opener without leaving a scar.
It seems totally absurd to me that in today's society, where women have made such great strides to be treated as equals to men, there still is so much fucking pressure for us to reproduce. If men say they don't want children, no one thinks twice. But if a woman says she doesn't want children, there has to be something wrong with her. We're less of a woman somehow.
When I was a newspaper columnist, I wrote about not wanting kids and got a box of hate mail. Many of the letters were from other women who were "praying" for me because I obviously was troubled and bitter and sad and alone. One said that I should open myself to new "love experiences." She obviously didn't hear about that time in college with the cheerios, extra batteries, and canola oil. I'm all ABOUT love experiences, baby!
The thing is, I have friends with kids and I can say that most of them have the same amount of sadness and loneliness as those of us without kids. We are all women who worry about money, if our ass is too big, if our significant other still loves us, and if our job is satisfying. Women with children just also worry about their kids, too. They also never sleep.
I don't want kids because I like the freedom of my life without kids. I like that I have more choices about what I can do with my life because I'm not responsible for someone elses. That may be selfish to some people - but I consider it to be honest. I also can't deal with the idea of being sober for 9 months at a time I would think that you would need a drink the most.
I admire all good moms of the world, even regard them with a certain reverence and awe. But I also admire the brave woman who chooses not to have a baby because she knows she CAN'T give a child what it needs, what it deserves.
Just like not everyone can be a doctor, a writer, or a philosopher, not everyone can or SHOULD be a mother. (Not everyone should wear spandex or wear horizontal stripes, either, while we're on the subject.) It doesn't make us less of a woman ... just our own woman. And that's something to be proud of, too.
I agree with this 100%. And to add to your logic, I don't think it is selfish at all to not have children when you like your freedom. It would be selfish to have children and then still live as though your needs came first. So knowing you don't want to give up your freedom and ability to get up and go at a moment's notice is actually a very mature and respectable reason to not have children. Kudos to you. I too chose not to have children. But I've got plenty of nieces and nephews and have also been told how great I am with the kids. I love 'em but just don't want any of my own. Sue me. ;)
Posted by: teeni | March 31, 2008 at 06:25 PM
You're wrong on needing a drink the most in the nine months while you're pregnant. it's after the baby is born that you need the drinks. trust me on this ;)
Posted by: Dawn | February 09, 2008 at 10:17 PM
They *always* have something to talk about.
And next time, leave a scar. :-)
Posted by: Groonk | September 12, 2005 at 11:02 PM
This is something I'm just starting to realize is an option. I mean, my friends always used to joke that I had a real Miss Havisham vibe, and it was all in fun. But these days, more and more, I feel like as good as I am with kids, having MY OWN kid may not be right. It made me happy to read what you had to say, because it's given me the realization that a smart, successful woman can be whole without reproducing.
Posted by: Helena | September 12, 2005 at 11:53 AM
Oh, barren maybe. Loveless, naah. ;-)
Posted by: AJ | September 11, 2005 at 10:51 PM
Of course, everyone wants you to have kids. Why should they be miserable alone!
Posted by: Neil | September 10, 2005 at 06:15 PM