Cookiebitch

WHERE TO FIND ME

2008-08-08T11:11:54-07:00

Hi ... there's lots going on in my life right now, most of it extremely stressful (I'll fill you in later - when I'm drunk), so I apologize for being MIA so long. However, if you want a quick fix until I can come back regularly, I have guest posted on my buddy Kim's site over at Parachuting Without A Net while she is on vacation (Bitch! - I mean that in the nicest possible way, though. Sort of.)

As you can see, I'm still angry.

Thanks for still checking up on me :)

NOT JUST A CARD, BUT A KEEPSAKE

2008-08-02T15:17:01-07:00

It was my anniversary Thursday. It's been four years since we tied the knot in a tequila-themed ceremony - complete with personalized shot glasses. And we're still having good sex. Who knew?

For our anniversary, frequent Cookiebitch reader and all around COOL person, Lisa, created a special card for me to give to my hubby. I'd show it to you ... but then you'd know my true identity and my years of hiding in the witness protection program would be blown to bits.

But let's just say it featured my head on a woman bent over the oven and my husband's head laughing over an ironing board with the caption "Keeping it hot." My husband LOVED it ... and keeps it in a prominent place on his desk now.

I was so impressed with Lisa's talent, I decided to show some other of her hand-made cards off here for you to look at even though I'm not the only blogger she has made a personalized card for (but I know she loves me best). Lisa also created a card for Heather Armstrong ... aka dooce ... which you can also see below (Heather's the one with the bugs).

Lisa makes these mostly for fun - and because, as I said, she's a cool person. If you have a special occasion you want to send a card for or a special someone you want to impress and Hallmark just isn't cutting it, contact Lisa at lisalisa45@excite.com and tell her The Bitch sent you.

And thanks Lisa, for making our anniversary extra-special!

SHOE SPIN-OFF

2008-07-20T17:30:56-07:00

Shoewhore Sunday just became it's own blog.

Check it out HERE. It is still under construction ... but you get the picture :)

More surprises to come. And you thought I had completely forgotten about you, didn't you?

SHOE WHORE SUNDAY

2008-07-13T18:54:14-07:00

ONE TREND I CAN'T EMBRACE ... WITH A FEW EXCEPTIONS ...

I have a friend and colleague at work who just returned from almost 3 weeks in Greece and then New York. This trip served as a form of brainwashing - as this faithful high-heel wearer and flat-hater was swayed into considering buying a pair of gladiator sandals.

After all, she saw them everywhere ... not just on the cobblestone streets of Athens. Gladiator sandals are IT this season on fashion runways, and even red carpets. It's almost enough to make you want to buy a chariot, wear a toga and maybe put a wreath in your hair.

But I have to say, while I usually like to explore new trends, I just can't get into this one for two reasons ... 1) I think gladiator sandals are just fugly; and 2) they are incredibly uncomfortable. Seriously ... you might as well just slap a piece of flat cardboard on the bottom of your foot, for as much arch support as you get.

I'd like to point out this gladiator sandal, by Steve Madden, as proof of my claims:

Disgusting, isn't it? Now I usually like Steve Madden, but it this case it looks like the wearer is in some home monitoring system, in which electric coils have been wound around them so if they wander too far away from home they'll get a good jolt. BZZZZZZZ. That will teach you fuckers!

Also, look at the bottom of this sandal ... no traction, no arch, no nothing. For my Canadian friends out there, this reminds me of the bottom of a curling shoe ... the one that you use to slide down the ice with. For you non-Americans, look it up.

However, contrary to popular opinion, I do have an open mind ... especially when it comes to shoes. So I have been able to find a few gladiator-INSPIRED shoes that I think are very stylish, and will keep you looking modern and trendy, but not like you made your shoes yourself in craft class at the mental institution.

What makes a shoe a gladiator-inspired shoe? Mostly it is the T-strap design and strappy appearance.

For example, Carlos Santana has these hot Magnum heels that with their studded T-strap look like they could be worn by a very sexy gladiator - as opposed to a blind one.

Available in this rose gold color, and in old silver, the Magnums also sport a tapered heel and small platform, which makes the 3 plus inch heel very bearable and will keep you from getting flat feet.

For $99 they are also a pretty good deal ... and will look great with both jeans or that little black dress you wear when you want to get laid. You know you have one. I have four.

Also, just to show you that Steve Madden hasn't completely lost his mind, I found these hot and strappy Togga sandals, also for $99.

Available in white, black, cognac and platinum, these shoes will stop any opponent dead in their tracks - guaranteed. And you won't even have to work up a sweat.

For those of us who are vertically challenged, the 5-inch stacked heel (also with a platform) will also make us stand tall, and look great doing it. I love looking down on the little people, instead of being one, don't you?

Finally, since I know some of you are heel-phobic and that's probably why you're considering buying some gladiator sandals, I give you these low-heeled baby's from Franco Sarto.

Available in bronze and silver with metallic studs, they are both stylish and comfortable with their kitten heel and cushioned footbed. The small rise will do wonders to support your arch, as opposed to the super-flat gladiator styles. Available for just $85.

For more gladiator-INSPIRED sandals, check out this link on shoes.com.

SEE YOU NEXT YEAR IN NEW YORK

Hats off to obnoxiously cheerful Kelly Ripa from Regis and Kelly for organizing the first High Heel-A-Thon this week in New York.

"Completing 26.2 miles in running shoes is nothing — try spending a full day running errands, taking the kids to school and shopping, all in 4-inch heels. Our 'High Heel-A-Thon' is a way of showcasing a unique unsung talent for which most women are never recognized," Ripa said.

Thank god this race was just 150 yards and not 26.2 miles, as the heel requirement was a 3 inch minimum. But it was a fun way to recognize both women and the incredible shoes they fill.

This isn't a unique idea, however. Glamour held a stiletto run in Germany not so long ago, and Baltimore hosts a gay pride High Heel Race that is better left to the imagination.

As for me? I have at least 6 pairs of high heels that I think I could win this race in. I can't wait for next year!

SHOEWHORE SUNDAY

2008-06-29T18:06:26-07:00

I'M OFFICIALLY OFF THE WAGON

It's sad but true ... I've been so busy, I haven't even bought shoes. That's the equivalent of a crack addict going cold turkey, ladies and gentlemen. There was twitching, screaming, vomiting, shaking ... not a pretty sight to say the least. But, finally, I have embraced my addiction once more. For a life without new shoes, is no life at all, I say.

So say hi to my latest fix, these strappy, fun, and unique Luichiny sandals called Marie. The leather straps are comic-book inspired, making you feel like a super hero. I love that the graffiti continues on the 4-inch heel, and how the bold colored sole makes everything "pop!"

They look fabulous with jean or white capris and a bold colored top. I'm telling you, these shoes have attitude, and you will too when you wear them. Check them out at Zappos for $114 and have them on your porch waiting for you the next day so you don't have to wait long for your shoe high.

If the Marie's are a little hard-core for you, Luichiny also has some other options you may enjoy. These Soleil's for example, are perfect for summer and would look great with that little dress.

The 4-inch heel may seem high, but the sole is padded to add some comfort - and besides - you'll look so sexy, who cares?

Available in this gorgeous fuchsia, yellow, white and black, the toughest choice you'll have is which one? Cost: $100.

And finally, for the thriftier addict, Luichiny has these versatile and flirty Melody sandals for $73. With a 4-1/4 inch heel, and a floral or butterly-themed sole, they are perfect for the season and come in gold, lavendar, and black. Ohh-la-la.

I don't know about you ... but being bad just feels soooooo GOOOOOD. I don't know why I ever stopped!