BECAUSE I'M A LOSER, HERE'S KIM INSTEAD

Hi.

Yah, I know.

Work. Life. It's all insane right now. Not in the sense there's been a major catastrophe or anything ... unless you count the fact I've slowed WAY down on the shoe-buying, which yes, is a MAJOR catastrophe of epic proportions. But I have taken another break from blogging to deal with other things. I hope to be back soon. Thank you to everyone who hangs in there with me. I hope I'm worth it.

 

To keep you occupied while I get my shit together, and check out the latest shoe sale, here's Kim ... all around good chick and also a damned fine ranter. She had a story that I couldn't let NOT be told. So here she is to tell it. Just make sure you comment about this post HERE, and not on her blog, please, as we don't like to encourage the dumbass dickwad pansy (as I like to call him) to be an even bigger dumbass dickwad pansy (or DDP for short). Thanks for understanding :)

 

Hugs (if I gave them),

CB

 

XXX

 

Hello!  I'm Kim and I blog over here.  I "met" CB online and we've become pretty good bloggy buddies. We both share a love for expensive shoes, Patron, and a low tolerance for stupid people. 

 

Something happened recently that I really wanted to blog about, but I couldn't, because my XHB reads my blog and I didn't want to have to listen to another 20-minute phone tirade about how I only show one side of the story, blah blah blah.  Hmm, last I looked, this was MY blog. Get your own if you're so upset by it. (You can read about the first tirade on my blog in the story entitled The Right to Write, which references the story from November entitled How I Met The Girlfriend). 

 

So, I jokingly asked CB if she wanted a guest blogger, and she agreed. So here you go. 

 

A little background - DimWittedFuckNut (DWFN*) and I separated last September, and our divorce was granted in April.  It was less than amicable at times. Without boring you with the details, neither of us was blameless in this breakup. Suffice it to say our bad times were outweighing the good, and we were only hurting ourselves by keeping up the pretense of a marriage. He has anger management problems and I didn't help by continuously pushing his buttons. The man I'm currently dating, "Sugar", was a good friend through my divorce and the deaths of my children. Although we maintain that nothing romantic was going on during my marriage, others think differently. Specifically, DWFN. 

 

However, DWFN has recently shown a little less anger and a little more acceptance of the situation and he constantly tells me he's "in a better place." Apparently, that "better place" isn't somewhere that Sugar and I can be as well. 

 

We were all at a graduation party for the son of some very good mutual friends. When I say mutual, I mean we all are friends with this couple. Sugar is friends with and also works with the husband, I met the couple 16 years ago when I was married to my first husband, and DWFN was friends by virtue of our marriage. You could say we've met. 

 

So, DWFN had been making "joking" comments about me and Sugar, some of them were okay, and some of them were a little borderline mean. Sugar had been laughing them off, and to his credit, he didn't retaliate. I did a couple of times, because I'm a bitch like that. And because it was funny. 

 

Finally, the only ones left were the hosts, DWFN, and me and Sugar. It was getting dark, and Sugar was ready to leave. I went to get my daughter from inside. While I was gone, apparently DWFN went to get a beer, and when he came back to the table, he looked at Sugar and said "Oh, did you want one?" When Sugar said no, DWFN said "good, because I've gave you my wife and everything else."  Sugar said "that's it, I'm tired of this." and tried to walk off. 

 

I came back outside with our daughter just in time to see her father charging up the hill screaming invectives and chasing down Sugar. Isn't that a sight for your kid to see?  I sent her back in the house and sat down on the patio by my girlfriend, as her husband charged up the hill after DWFN. I wasn't going to get in the middle of them because they needed to be boys and get this over with.  I don't condone fighting, but sometimes people need a good kick in the ass, and I figured DWFN deserved one. 

 

DWFN caught up to Sugar and smacked him in the side of his head, hard enough to send his sunglasses sailing over his truck. My girlfriend's husband got between them, and punches were flying.  Sugar managed to land one hit in DWFN's eye. ONE hit. DWFN got Sugar down on the ground and was repeatedly punching him in the head. Our host told DWFN to get off or he was going to kick him in the face. DWFN started to walk off, then he decided he'd try to yank the windshield wipers off Sugar's truck. Seriously?  smack to the head then vandalism? You fight like a five year old girl.

 

Then DWFN comes back to the patio and gets in my face yelling at me, because somehow this is my fault. My girlfriend's husband got in his face, told him to leave me alone and to get the hell off his property. So he left, but not without starting his infamous phone calls. My girlfriend was the only one who answered and spoke to him, and it wasn't pretty. I love her. 

 

We made our apologies, loaded up my girl and we went home. We didn't talk about it in the car because I didn't know what to say in front of my daughter. How do you tell a kid their father is an idiot? 

 

The next day, DWFN called to "apologize," which consists of his saying "I'm sorry BUT....  All through our marriage, his apologies were "I wouldn't have done X if you hadn't done Y."  For instance, he wouldn't have knocked our refrigerator on its side had I not told him I wanted a divorce. Or he wouldn't have thrown a beer can through the wall if I had not told him to get out after he upended the refrigerator. You get the idea.

 

His apology, such as it was, basically alleged if Sugar can't take a joke then he's a P$$y.  He was only joking all night and Sugar shouldn't be so sensitive. Oh, and Sugar sucker-punched him. I said, uh, no, you were being a jerk, he tried to walk off, you chased him down and hit him. Oh, and there's a witness. He said "Oh.  Well, I wouldn't have..." and I said "no, I have nothing to say to you," and I hung up. A benefit of being divorced - not being legally obligated to listen to 20 minute phone tirades. Woot!

 

Another stellar character trait he has (aside from his heartfelt apologies) is his ability to turn every situation into one where he is the victim. After the fight, I heard from several people that saw him who told me that his eye was really badly bruised. I'm sure, even after he knew what really happened, he was still telling people the way HE thought it happened, which paints him as the wronged party, and not the other way around. I'm quite sure he was walking around all proud of his busted up face and telling people that he got jumped. He makes me ill. I just think to myself - I married him, and reproduced with him?! Sweet cracker sandwich. 

 

So a week after all this happened, Sugar and I were having lunch. We ran into a couple of  guys that work with DWFN, one of which is also a good friend of mine. He was telling me that DWFN's eye was really F'd up and I said good, he deserved it. 

 

I told him the real story, and he was surprised to hear a couple of minor details - one, that DWFN threw the first "punch" and two, that Maddy was there to witness it all. Hmmm, kind of important pieces of the story, I'd think. But that's just me. My friend did tell me that DWFN was saying he got jumped (Quell Surprise!) and would also tell people "if you think my eye is bad, you should see the other guy." Oh really? Because after a day, the small marks on Sugar's head healed, and he didn't look any worse for the wear. When DWFN heard that news (which was told to him with great relish, so I hear), his reply was "yeah, well, I hit him five or six times."  Really? With your purse? Who is the P$$y now?

 

Ahem. So, the moral of this story is - if you're going to use the "you should see the other guy" line, make sure "the other guy" ACTUALLY looks worse than you. It kinda helps back up your story. Just a thought.

 

Or maybe the moral of this story is don't marry a DWFN. Sometimes that's easier said than done. 

 

Thank you; you've been a great audience. Please tip your hostess. 

 

Thanks, CB, for letting me vent. 

 

*Thanks to my BFF Heather for coming up with that moniker. She's so clever. 

Comments

[Veronica]

Sounds like a vent was definitely in order! What an ass.

[Dawn]

Couls we all pitch in a couple bucks and buy an island and send all DWFN there. Cause I got a list. LOL

[witchypoo]

I called my DWFN Fuckface. I choked with rage on his name. Years later, when I happened to mention his actual name, nobody knew who I was referring to. Fuckface had taken hold.

[lceel]

Love and marriage,
Love and marriage,
go together like
a horse and carriage.

Until, of course, the horse shits on the ground and somebody steps in it and all hell beaks loose.

The question is - is the horse the mare or the stallion?

[Daisy]

There are too many douche bags in the world. I think we should require people to pass an exam before having children.

[Miss J]

Sheesh. I know some guys EXACTLY like your DWFN ex, and thank goodness, most of their wives/girlfriends whatever have had the good sense to leave and/or get restraining orders.

Glad you got AWAY from this palpitating ass.

[Sheri]

Sounds like you got the better end of the deal. A new life and a decent boyfriend.

What an ass.

[sandra]

For lack of anything deeper to say: what a fucknut! Great nickname, though. :)

[eclecticdeb]

Sperm Donor: that's usually how I refer to my son's father. It's hilarious when people who don't know the whole story think he was really conceived using a donor. I then tell them that it's the nicest thing I could come up with. Heh.
Another past "love" is forever known to my cirlce of friends as simple "The Loser". Says it all. Not sure what it says about me though.