WHAT'S UP WITH ME

WARNING: This is not a "funny" post - if you want a "funny" post I will be posting "funny" - or at least "mildly amusing" - later today. Thank you for your support. You are all like big jock straps to me. I mean it.

I have been avoiding boring you with a post like this. You don't come here for honesty, or for me to share my "feelings." Let's face it ... you come here for the sex, the swearing and the shoes. And for that, I say you have your priorities straight.

But I also feel like I owe you an explanation. I haven't been posting very often lately. The posts I do make are kind of half-assed and not up to my standards. (And some of you have told me that too - thanks for your honesty. Assholes!) I've written them rather quickly and in a panic that if I don't post SOMETHING none of you will ever come back and visit me anymore. I may seem like a bitch on the outside, but I still love me some love and adoration. And gifts. I love me some gifts. Feel free to send them at any time. My shoe size is a 9. Except in Manolos. Then I'm a size 9 1/2.

Thing is, I got back into this blogging thing last fall after a hiatus because I missed it. I kind of THREW myself back into it, actually, no holds barred. That's the kind of bitch I am - all or nothing. I either go to the gym every day and try to kill myself for 2 hours, or I don't go to the gym at all and sit on my ass and eat an entire package of Oreos. I give 110 percent, baby.

But life is about balance. If you pour everything into one thing, other things suffer. Then my work load got a lot worse because apparently some asshole told my boss I can do the work of 5 people - not just 4. Then there were some money issues, and step-son issues, and "oh my god I need a margarita" issues. Everything started to suffer. And I started feeling guilty about it. The only thing I still DON'T feel guilty about is being mean to people. Fuckers deserve it. But I do feel guilty when I'm not doing things as well as I want to. It drives me crazy.

For the last month, I've been in an eternal cycle of guilt that I should be doing this, and I should be doing that, and I should be doing this better, and I really should have slapped that door-to-door salesman harder, etc. etc. It has been fucking exhausting. I thought several times about just quitting this blogging thing again - to have one less thing to feel guilty about - but that made me feel even more guilty. I love doing this. I really do. Being a bitch is what I do best. And sharing my bitchiness with the world - well, it's a calling.

I also thought of all you fantastic bloggers out there that have kids, and spouses and jobs and problems but who are still able to post quality content with seemingly no effort or problem whatsoever. I have to admit I kind of hate you guys. You make me feel like a big loser, not to mention a colossal whiner. If you have a secret, please share it with me, and I will be less tempted to stab you with a letter opener, or send a herd of rabid midgets to attack you at your house. Okay, I won't actually do that - mostly because all my midgets have had their shots. But still, if you can do it, why can't I? And who am I to bitch about not being able to do it, when I don't have children or half the problems others do?

Great. More guilt.

So here is my plan. I've decided to try to achieve some level of balance and stop being a guilt-ridden sissy-baby. I'm taking a couple weeks to figure some crap out - to get caught up on work stuff - and in the meantime I WILL post, but it will still be not as often I'd like still. I WILL be back posting at least four times a week again - but I need to figure out how to do that well first, and without making myself crazy. I don't want to do this if it is half-assed. But I also know I can't treat it like it is my job either. I have a job. This is my hobby. This and drinking and shoe shopping. And sadly, I haven't been doing those very well either. I've worn the same pair of heels three days in a row. That's how fucked up I am. It's really very sad.

Anyway, I hope all of you hang in there with me. Because the best thing about blogging has been getting to know all of you. You guys make me laugh more than I make you laugh. And laughter is the best way to stay sane, I say. Although sometimes it also takes a vacation with tequila. And cabana boys.

Thanks for reading.

CB

Comments

[Julie]

O.K, I am not sure where to begin so I will just start off by saying PLEASE DON'T Quit. I love this blog. I am a very shy person and don't stick up for myself as often as I should. Your blog has helped me with that more than you will ever know. I don't mind that you don't blog everyday and frankly I don't see how anybody can unless blogging is there full time job! And don't think for one second that just because you don't have kids that your life can't be just as hectic and busy as a parents life is because that is just not true. So you take your time and get everything worked out and at least this reader will be waiting patiently. I hope you don't think I am crazy or anything I just think you are very funny and a great writer.

P.S

[morninglight mama]

Dear CB,

I am a relatively new reader, although I'm not sure what path I initially took to get to your blog. I just wanted to take a moment to say, drop the guilt. Just fling it out the window. You are very entertaining, and us readers will just have to be happy with whatever you send our way-- whether it's 1 post a week or more!

[Kim]

It must be mental Spring cleaning. You're not the only blogger I read to feel this way. Take your time and come back when you're in full-on Cookie mode.

I blog because it's part of my personal therapy. Somedays I wonder "do people really want to read this crap?" I figure if they don't, they won't.

Do what you need to do. We'll be here when you get back.

PS - we wear the same size shoe, down to the 1/2 size bigger in MBs. First the shared penchant for Patron and midget cannons, now this? We're cosmically linked, I'm telling you.

[suburbancorrespondent]

How about "Blogging is for people who can't handle reality"? Or wait, it may be the other way around: "Reality (in the form of family, jobs, etc) is for people who can't handle blogging"?

Whatever. How do we do it? We do a half-assed job at everything. Perfectionism is the enemy of good enough. We live our lives in a half-assed way and we're okay with that. Try it some time - it's freeing, in a weird sort of way. That's one of the good things about having a bunch of kids - you realize that things will never, ever be done perfectly. And everyone survives anyway.

[Twisting Ivy]

Oh Cookiebitch.

I'm also a new reader, but so far all of your posts at least give me a smile.

We all blog for different reasons, but really, underneath it all, we blog for ourselves.

Take a few deep breaths, take care of everything else you need to do... and blog when you want to. We're not going anywhere!

[stones]

I'm a SAHM working toward being able to work from home, with a million things to do, and not just housework. The only reason I'm able to blog on a somewhat regular basis is because usually I'm so overwhelmed that I just refuse to tackle anything else.

I think it's call "deflecting from all things important". Or disorganization. Whatevs.

I will be patient as long as you don't stop blogging completely. But if you do, I'll completely understand. Sometimes I want to give it up too, but need it to keep my sanity.

[Daisy]

I'll be here always.

[juneyor]

Go get your bitch on. I'll be here waiting for you when you get back. although this means I might actually have to do some work now.

[HeyJoe]

*HUGS*

hee, hee.

"We do a half-assed job at everything. Perfectionism is the enemy of good enough"

Amen sister.

You see it all comes down to ....wait a second, I've got to go smack my kid.

[Ree]

Bitch. I'll be here. Whenever you are. Waiting to share some vitriol with you.

[Kelley]

Don't promise anything! That is the worst thing you could do. I have weeks where I KNOW I have promised to do a particular post and I just CAN'T. And the guilt builds up. And I just do it and it is such a freaking chore I HATE IT. But the weeks that I just blog for fun, erratically, are the best. Just do it when you feel like it. Then the bitch will be back with awesome fucking heels on.

[Citronella]

Last time I blogged was March 3rd.

I have absolutely no guilt whatsoever about it.

If people like you but can't bookmark you or subscribe to your feed to remember about you and be there next time you write something awesome, it's too bad for them. And you don't want to be worried about a blog, do you?

[Jess]

If you enjoy it so much then you should write for you, not us. I enjoy reading your blog but when I drop in and there isn't something new I dont complain or get mad. Instead I think, "hey, she must be out doing something really cruel to the paperboy or buying a great pair of shoes." Thank you for sharing your writing with us. Please know that at least one of your readers (me) will stick by you in daily, every other day, or even weekly posts.

[Memarie Lane]

If you look back through my archives, you'll see that my blog is always changing. If I wrote about the same thing or in the same style all the time I'd have to pull out the razors.

Did you hear about the McDonald's employee who ran screaming from a midget trying to place an order? She had some sort of fear of midgets. Of course the midget is now suing.

[Memarie Lane]

If you look back through my archives, you'll see that my blog is always changing. If I wrote about the same thing or in the same style all the time I'd have to pull out the razors.

Did you hear about the McDonald's employee who ran screaming from a midget trying to place an order? She had some sort of fear of midgets. Of course the midget is now suing.

[janelle]

Hang in there, I LOVE your blog and have passed it onto many friends. I just started my blog yesterday (I'm on spring break) and have no idea how I'll keep up come next week when I'm back to the grind. Your thoughts make me laugh and I appreciate your humor.

[Cool Lisa]

I'm glad we've had this time together....

Sex and drinking tequila always come first and having balance to get enough of both is paramount.

In the meantime, there are always your killer archives if we get the munchies for some Cookie.

Be good to yourself....don't make your head explode over this.

[moooooog35]

It's too bad that women can't do what I do when I can't get myself up.

Pop a Levitra and watch some Spice Channel.

Works every time.

Good luck, CB.

See ya when you get back.

[ie]

You totally deserve lots of breathing, tequila, and non-touching hugs! heehee

Hang in there, CB. Things will work out they they need to. And in the meantime, we will be looking forward to your next post.

Oh, and yeah, screw the guilt.

[melanie]

I want to be on the "tequila and cabana boy" watch RIGHT NOW! :sighs: This life thing is shit sometimes but its what we got. Lets make a sam-mich and kill the taste with margaritas while wearing awesome heels followed by cookies. Good luck getting caught up.

i will pass on the guilt if you don't mind. i think I got that jar pretty well full.

[Miss J]

Screw guilt. Or wash it away with tequila. Or whatever. Just don't post half-assed bullshit while you have most of your mind on real-world worries, just to be posting SOMETHING. That will suck all the fun out of it, and turn blogging into a chore, and then you really WILL quit. That would make me sad. Or possibly angry, in which case I won't buy you a lap dance from the midget stripper when you're in town. So THERE.

[Veronica]

I hope the heels you wore for 3 days were at least sexy and comfortable heels.

I shall be waiting with chewed nails til you get back.

[Chantal]

I'm not sure if I can actually take you on, but I'll kick your ass if you quit.

You'll find a way to make it all work. If not, I'll damn well MAKE you find a way to make it work.

All in good fun of course, I'll even bring alcohol ;-)

[Kimberly]

Last time I blogged was in February. Every time I feel guilty I buy a pair of shoes to make it go away. Make guilt work for you, that's my theory.

I blame Spring and all this "spring cleaning" crap being forced down our throats.

It'll all come together and your fans will still be here waiting with baited breath. (worm breath? huh?)

In the meantime, I'll dedicate my next shoe purchase to you!

[rebecca]

i dont think you should feel so pressured to write! everybody has down time and it's unhealthy to make yourself feel so guilty all the time :/ i say take all the time you need, i'll read no matter what you write about because as long as you're being honest, it's all good!