VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO STAR

So this week, the humble and oh-so-shy Cookiebitch makes her world-wide radio debut.

That's right, folks. First there was Madonna. Then there was Britney. And now? Now there is MEEEEEE!!!!!! Older, fatter, and poorer. But equally as bold, brash and with a strange habit of not wearing any underpants.

Seems like my two readers in Holland (who knew that I'd be big in a country with wooden shoes?) told online radio maven Susan Ramon, also known as The Crazy Radio Chick, about me, and in turn, Susan started reading too. She has asked me to be on her show, which airs online at Tropic Wave Radio, this Friday, Jan. 18, at 2:09 p.m. EST.

For those of you in Holland, and to Susan, I would like to say "thanks." If I knew that being this big of a bitch would garner me so much attention, I would have done it earlier. Oh wait ... I've been a bitch all my life. Where have you people been? Oh well ... I'm glad you are here now.

I actually started my journalism career in radio, so this will be an interesting return for me. I worked at a radio station in my small, cow-infested college town, doing weather reports and providing comic relief on the morning show as I worked my way through school.

I'd also fill in for the night DJ, which was dangerous because no one was around to keep me honest. One night, my best friend decided to go to the studio with me to keep me company. She also decided to bring cocktails. This particular show was called "Rolling back the oldies." You were supposed to pick a decade and play a few songs from each year, starting with the newest, and rolling back to the oldest.

The beginning of the show, when I was still sober, was fine. But about mid-way through, I had no idea what fucking year I was on, what song I was playing, or even where I was. In those days (prior to the discovery of fire, or the wheel), we also played the music on these things called RECORDS - large, black disks which spun around on these electric disk holders called RECORD PLAYERS. In an effort to figure out what song I was playing, I tried to spin my head in time to the record so I could read what was printed on top and tell people what they were listening to. I sounded something like this:

"And that was ... uh ... oh shit ... slow the fuck down won't you? I'm getting dizzy. Who the fuck listens to this crap anyway? Dead people? Oh god, I think I'm going to be sick ..."

I came back a short time later, a little shaky.

"Sorry listeners. Must have been something I ate. I still don't know what that song was, who sang it, or what year it was from, but hey ... hope you liked it. Now here's another song - I have no idea what it is either, but what the hell. I need another margarita."

By the end of the night I had given up and decided to play some AC/DC from my personal collection. Of course, this was an oldies station, so the 2 senior citizens who were still listening didn't appreciate it. Lucky they both had dimentia so they didn't remember it the next day, or I would have probably been fired.

I can't promise I'll be sober for this radio interview either, since I'm a little nervous about it and may need a shot (or 12) of tequila for liquid courage. But I'll at least try not to get sick this time. And although you can see the show's studio live on the Internet, I'm doing the interview by phone, so you will be spared the visual if I do, indeed, hurl. For my comfort, I may also be naked, so consider yourself VERY lucky you can't see me.

So I hope you tune in. It should be fun. And who knows? Someday maybe your people can call my people, and we'll do lunch. Just no paparazzi, please.

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

Witchypoo, my dear blogging friend, asked if people can call in and ask me questions on the show. The answer, I've just found out, is YES! Susan even said "The more, the merrier."

You can call into the show at 1-888-762-8153  ext. 942. I welcome your questions and comments!

Comments

[HeyJoe]

very cool. So let's see, that's 2pm EST, which means it will 11am PST which means I'll be at work, which means I'd better write myself a note to stop dicking off an listen in.

[Ree]

I'm going to set up an alarm in my calendar. I cannot miss this.

[witchypoo]

Is it a phone-in show? Cause I would so phone in. And producers love that crap, having listeners from far away call in.
Have your people call my people with the number.

[Lisa]

I'm thinking Don Imus in heels....

I too am a former dj from the 70's. I still occasionally have "dj nightmares" where the record runs out and it is doing that tick, tick sound and for some reason I can't find another record or a commercial to play. The record keeps going around and the dead air is endless as I scramble madly looking through records that just don't seem to mean anything.....

Enjoy your comeback!

[mommyknows]

Bwahahahaha ...

Great post!

MK

[Chantal]

Well congrats, and ha. You're quite welcome. Yes I am one of two Dutch people that recommended ya. In fact I beat the other Dutch one to it. First thing Susan said to me when she read your blog was "I need to get her on air".

And that's history in the making....

[Susan Ramon]

It will be one hilarious show, at least I hope it will be!! I'm taking an extra pair of undies to the studio with me, just in case.

[Ree]

I hope they taped it because I missed it (sigh). So sorry.

But I tagged you over at my site. ;-)

[Daisy]

I missed it too...because unlike some people, I actually have to work every once in a while. However, I know you were fabulous as always. Can I access it anywhere?