STORIES OF THE SEASON

Even The Bitch has a heart. Well, kind of. So here are some touching Christmas stories to brighten up your holiday that I found on Fark.com.

I hope you have a great Christmas, and remember that it isn't about how much you spent, or how much you get, but how much nog you drink before you throw up.

From Fredericksburg.com: A video of kids explaining everything they know about Santa. I was upset to find out from this video that apparently Santa won't visit you if you fight, hit or kick, or aren't nice to people in general. I'm freakin' doomed. I guess it's coal again for me this year!

From the Wall Street Journal: Apparently, some monks found the secret to making fruit cake that doesn't taste like ass - less fruit and more rum. "The rummier the yummier," avows Brother Joseph Reisch, the chief fruitcake maker at Assumption Abbey, a 57-year-old Trappist Monastery. I don't know if this is divine intervention, or just common sense. I mean ... DUH.

From the Daily News: A man who should be elected president, in my opinion, nailed a life-sized Santa doll on a cross outside his house to protest the commercialism of the season. He even used a photo of his crucified Santa for his Christmas cards, along with the message "Santa died for your MasterCard." I know he died for my Mastercard, Visa, and American Express this year.

From the Guardian Unlimited: You know the world is going to hell when you have to outfit your Baby Jesus doll with a GPS tracking system so you can get it back after people repeatedly steal it. "We may need to rely on technology to save our savior," said the woman who overseas the Nativity Scene where Baby Jesus repeatedly goes missing. Still, who steals baby Jesus dolls? I mean, booze, yes; shoes, yes. But Baby Jesus? If you are this desperate to be close to God, I say they should let you keep the damned doll.

From stuff.co.nz: A gang of drunken Santas caused chaos and did damage at a movie theater over the weekend, yelling out "Ho fucking ho" as they ripped up movie posters and shoved patrons aside as they were waiting to see "Enchanted." The very bad part of me - the part of me that is getting coal this year - thinks this is damned funny, and wishes I could have joined in. But the itsy bitsy good part inside of me says ... oh who am I kidding? That part of me thinks it's pretty funny too.

And finally, from my old stomping ground in Everett, Washington: A chain of more than 350 people bought coffee for the people in line behind them at Starbucks in quite possibly the most amazing example of holiday cheer I've ever heard of that wasn't a Hallmark movie. The fact that out of 350 people, no one was an asshole, is truly a Christmas miracle, and quite possibly will make it unnecessary for three ghosts to visit me this year. Maybe we can all learn from this example and try to spread a little Christmas cheer of our own in the next few days. Who knows? The world may just become a better place - one where no one gets coal, fruit cake tastes good, Christmas becomes less commercialized, Baby Jesus dolls aren't stolen, and Santas don't get drunk. Well, all but the last one anyway. :)

Comments

[witchypoo]

Coal is good to find in your stocking if you're a snowman.
"I can see! I can see!"

[Daisy]

You are going to start hugging random strangers soon...I'm just sayin'.