... OF THE WEEK

BAR QUOTE ...

"I'm hung like an angry hamster."

This was said by a man in a bar I was drinking in recently. The man went on to explain just how tiny his penis was, often times using his pinkie finger as a prop. He even got another guy to start arguing with him about whose penis was smaller. They wouldn't shut up about it.

While I've heard many guys brag about how well endowed they are, I've never heard this kind of honesty shared in such a prideful manner. These guys seemed actually happy to have tiny dicks, and were not embarrassed at all about sharing stories of their minuscule members. I wanted to tell them to shut up ... that they weren't doing themselves any favors and that I was actually becoming embarrassed for them. But they just seemed to be having such a good time that I didn't have the heart.

One thing still confuses me however. And that's the word "angry." I have no idea why an angry hamster would have a smaller penis than a happy-go-lucky hamster, or a larger penis for that matter. I tried looking it up on the Internet, and did not find any information on "angry" hamsters and their cocks. And I really tried too, reading all about swollen hamster butt-holes, and hamster sperm in search of answers.
For example, I learned the average hamster produces more sperm than the average man - a fascinating little tidbit of information. All that sperm is why hamsters have big balls, although tiny little dicks. If you don't believe me, just check out the photo, above. Very impressive, don't you think? Neither small-penised man mentioned anything about the size of their nuts though, so I'm not sure if this information is relevant to my research.

I guess it will just have to remain a mystery for now.

DUMB ASS "HOE" HATER ...

This honor goes to Cookiebitch reader (altho I'm sure he had to have someone help him sound out the big words) quiito500, who made the following comments to this post on cookiebitch this week:

"500 mob bitches fuck all ya hatein biitches"

AND

"who ever reads this i s a biitch asz hoe"

He actually made the first comment twice ... although I'm not sure why. Maybe just because he's such a man of words ... although all of them are misspelled. Further research showed that he came to Cookiebitch after dong a google search for "women love to enslave men."

Now just for the record, I am not a believer that women should enslave men. I believe children should be slaves, not men. Altho men should definitely take out the garbage and make you eggs. So I resent being represented in this manner.

Also, I am not a hatein' bitch. I don't hate everyone ... just stupid people who think "hatein" is a word. But I love puppies. So it all balances out.

However, I do believe quiito can benefit from this blog. For starters, he now knows there are other men out there who share his affliction of being hung like an angry hamster. Also, all the biitch asz hoes who read this blog - and I love all you garden tools by the way- can assure poor quiito that if he were the last man on earth, none of you would waste your time trying to enslave him. He can feel comfortable in the fact that he can roam the earth free to be the biggest dumbass he can be. Just don't expect me to be impressed.

FUNNIEST SHIT ...

Oh my god ... I laughed until I peed. Then I sat in my warm puddle of pee and read the rest because I could not stop reading. This is seriously funny shit, and if you don't think so, you're a biitch asz hoe. My new favorite blog, The Sneeze, features a regular feature called "Steve, don't eat it" in which a guy, Steve, (who is my hero, by the way,) does eat it ... and what he eats is a variety of shit so foul which he describes so hilariously, you'll pee yourself too. So go read it. Just don't read it on a full stomach - or bladder, for that matter.

SHOE ...

I love all shoes, not just the ones that give me a nose bleed because they are so high.

Recently I've been into fun sneakers that are both comfortable and have some personality. These Adidas Nadira quite literally make your feet feel like they are taking heroin - that's how happy they'll be. And for about $65, they're cheaper than a good drug habit.

Check them out on Shoes.com!

Comments

[Joe]

I happen to be hung like an angry Platypus. And you should see my duck bill.

OK, now I must at The Sneeze to my list of blogs. In fact, it's time I cleaned up my blog list because not all of them touch me in a special way anymore, and I'm not going to fork over good money to be touched in a non-special way. Dig?

[Daisy]

I didn't know the high-and-mighty CB wore sneakers! What's next clogs?