IDONTGIVEASHITITUS

For the last month or so, I've been suffering from a sickness called IDONTGIVEASHITITUS. I don't get this sickness that often, but when I do, it comes on fast and strong, and is hard to shake, no matter how much tequila I pour down my throat for "medicinal" purposes.

Normally I suffer from a chronic case of IGIVETOOMUCHOFASHITITUS - a distant cousin of IDONTGIVEASHITITUS which causes me to work too hard, obsess about everything I haven't accomplished yet, and drive myself forward in a manic frenzy to DO MORE. A side effect of this disease is obsessing about making lists - lists about what I need to do at work, what I need to do at home, what I need to do on my lunch hour, what I need to do in the next five years, what I need to do before I die ... you get the picture.

The only cure for IGIVETOOMUCHOFASHITITUS is the inevitable wall you hit eventually when you are just too fucking tired to make any more lists. Once you hit this wall, however, you become susceptible to getting IDONTGIVEASHITITUS - which is where I am now.

A sufferer of IDONTGIVEASHITITUS doesn't care much about anything. When someone gives you a task that you normally would attack with relish, it instead bores the crap out of you, and you do everything you can not to work on it. It means nothing to you anymore that someone is counting on you to get this task done, or that this is your job. You just don't give a shit. It will get done when it gets done. Deal with it.

This disease also causes you to not give a shit about your own appearance. For example, normally I would care about going to the gym, or getting my hair cut, or buying new shoes. But right now, I could care less. Bathing is the only thing that I have managed to keep giving a shit about (to the relief of my family and friends), but even that is only because I like the solitude and relaxation of a hot shower. But everything else? It just seems like too much work - and for what? Does it really make any difference?

IDONTGIVEASHITITUS also affects your relationships. When a coworker comes into your office to tell you about their troubles, you tend to space out, not really giving a shit what their troubles are and hoping the conversation will end soon so you can go back to avoiding your work in peace. Everyone has troubles, why do they feel like you care about theirs? You barely can muster the energy to care about YOURS for godsake!

To be honest, you probably don't really give a shit about their troubles when you don't have IDONTGIVEASHITITUS either. But then you at least have the energy to make it look like you do. But with IDONTGIVEASHITITUS, you don't even give a shit about PRETENDING to care.

It is especially tough to have IDONTGIVEASHITITUS during the holidays. For example, I realize I have about 10 shopping days left to buy gifts for my family, who I will see the week before Christmas. Yet I have not bought one single gift, and amazingly, I don't give a shit about it. My company Christmas party is also next week, at which time I will need something to wear. But I can't seem to give a shit about that either. At this point in my disease, I'd be happy to wear sweats to the formal gathering, because guess what ... I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!

I've tried to treat this disease with booze and a four day weekend on the couch to no avail. I've tried to force myself into recovery by willing myself to make a list, or willing myself to buy Christmas decorations to get into "the spirit," or willing myself to care when I really just don't. Nothing has worked. I only hope it doesn't get worse, or I may find myself with a nasty case of IDONTGIVEAFUCKATOSIS on my hands - which is what happens when IDONTGIVEASHITITUS goes unchecked.

I know that some people have noticed I'm just not myself. And I suppose I should give a shit about that too, but I'm finding that even that is hard. To be honest, the only thing I truly give a shit about is going home and crawling into bed. Everything else is just an annoyance.

I suppose like any other virus, I just have to wait for the IDONTGIVEASHITITUS to run its course. In the meantime, I'm really looking forward to giving a shit again. I kind of miss it. Maybe that's the first step to recovery? I can only hope.

XXX

By the way, this post marks the 100th post of Cookiebitch! So put your hands together. It's quite the occasion! If only I gave a shit ...

Comments

[HeyJoe]

My apologies. I believe I must have infected you. It sucks, I know.

100th post? That’s it? You really have been dicking off.

[Hermione]

Giving a shit is absolutely overrated. Of course, it helps to take antianxiety pills like I have for the past two years. I find myself in a nice, happy calm for the most part. Of course, spending far beyond your means, eating too much and petting the cats helps, too.
Just watch out for the eatshitanddie syndrome, where the idontgiveafuckatosis turns from an internal to an external disease.
Of course, some of us have that anyway.
Hmmmmm.

[Daisy]

I think Cookie needs a big hug!