Cookiebitch: .... OF THE WEEK

VOTE FOR ME OR I'LL PEE ON YOU

The Bitch has been nominated for Bloggers Choice Awards in the categories of Best Blog of All Time, Best Humor Blog, Best Corporate Blog and Most Obnoxious Blogger. Here's how to cast your vote: 1. Click on one of the icons below; 2. Click on the yellow "VOTE" button; 3. Click on "CREATE ONE NOW" and sign up for an account - it's free!; 4. Go to your e-mail box and check for an e-mail that says "BLOGGERS CHOICE AWARDS"; 5. Click on the link in the e-mail; 6. Type in "COOKIEBITCH" in the search field; 7. Scroll to the bottom of the page, where it will link you to Cookiebitch in all four categories it has been nominated in; 8. Click on "VOTE" one more time! 9. Don't forget to vote in all categories. 10. Go have a drink - you deserve it!

PET PEEVE ...

The lazy fucks who use the motorized cart at the grocery store. I'm not talking about real disabled people - I'm talking about the derelicts who walk perfectly fine into the store, but then choose the motorized cart because the thought of having to stand in aisle 7 deciding between the ding dongs and the twinkies makes them sooooooo tired. These lazy-asses are not just announcing to the world they are pathetic, sedentary losers, they are also denying the use of the cart to people who really need it.

Usually, but not always, these people are also extremely fat, which also pisses me off because they give fat people a bad name. I myself am a few (dozen) pounds overweight, but I still manage to walk my badonkadonk from the liquor aisle to the frozen foods section - and in four inch heels none the less. Hell, the calories I burn may even let me justify throwing a second carton of Chunky Monkey into my cart.

Common people ... is it really that hard to put one foot in front of the other? My god ... what is wrong with us that simple WALKING is now too strenuous to do?

BITCH ...

The chick at my work who brags about all the pills she orders from Mexico ... pills to make all her imaginary or self-inflicted ailments better. I just wish she had a fucking pill that would make her drug-induced mood swings and her hypochondria go away! And what self-respecting drug addict talks about their habit at work? At least have the decency to cover it up like the rest of us and shoot up in your car at lunch time!

SHOE ...

So many shoes, so little time. But Carlos is still the ruler of all that is cool in the shoe world. Just check out these "Bond" boots ... something a hot Bond girl would wear. And they are Smurfy blue, which means I can wear them to work on Fridays and totally be politically correct!

DRINKING TIP ...

Do not think it is EVER a good idea to follow up an afternoon of drinking bottle after bottle of champagne with a night filled with tequila shots. THIS IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA. My liver actually wrote me a resignation letter this weekend after I did this.

I'm also seriously considering wearing a helmet when I drink from now on. This same evening one of my friends slammed her nose into the pavement after falling off a chair, and my husband dislocated his shoulder tripping over our suitcase. This is why old people really need supervision when they consume too much alcohol. And possibly a medic alert bracelet.

I'm a bitch and a whore

If you think I'm funny, or you would just like to put a smile on my normally pissed-off face, please donate to Cookiebitch. Your generosity will help pay for the cost of doing this blog - which includes liberal amounts of tequila to help keep my creative juices flowing!

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