A CLEAN SLATE

My step son started school this week, and I couldn't help but be a little jealous.

I remember how excited I was about starting school, and all the great stuff leading up to it. I got to buy new school supplies (my heart still flutters when I see packages of Pee-Chees, or smell a brand new three ring binder) and new school clothes (I will never quite feel the same about any piece of clothing as I did the pink satin jacket my mom purchased for me the summer of 1980). I waited breathlessly to find out what teacher or teachers I had that year, and which of my friends would be in class with me. I wondered if any new, cute boys would move to my small Canadian town from some far away exotic land like Duluth, and fantasized about them only having eyes for me, and not that skanky whore whose mom has let her wear makeup since Kindergarten.

Ah yes. It was a wonderful time when all my loose leaf notebooks were as pristine as a virgin, and the crease on my crisp, new polyester pants could have cut a tomato in half. I would spend the day before printing my name carefully on all my things and vowing to take perfect notes in algebra class. God, I was a geek.

But there was something about finishing school and starting school that had this magical air about it. It was everything in between I remember sucking sweaty goat balls. What made starting school so special was that in a way, you were coming back to a clean slate. A new teacher, new classes, new possibilities - a new chance to do everything right that year. No matter how much of a fuck-up you were the year before, something happened between June and September to make it all go away. At least for a few delusional days, anyway, until you fucked up again.

Wouldn't it be great to be able to do that as adults? Each September we'd have a new boss, new challenges, and new friends to meet. So what if you failed to get that report done in time last year, or forgot to mail your aunt Selma a birthday card. It's a whole new ballgame! So what if you accidentally e-mailed porn to the president of the company, or dented your husband's new car? That was then - this is now!

Unfortunately, though, we adults tend to never wipe the slate clean, electing to collect and carry all the baggage from previous years with us. Wouldn't it be great if we could concentrate on the future and cling to the hope of a new start, instead of being so obsessed about mistakes we can't change in the past? Wouldn't it be great if we could get three to four months off in the summer just to forget all the crap and let shit go?

Of course, some people would take advantage of such a system ... electing to fuck up royally in the month of June and getting no work done at all because hey ... summer vacation is almost here and once that is over, well ... clean slate you know! Can't hold it against me! But let's face it ... those people are already fucking up 12 months out of the year anyway.

I still say we could gain a lot by wiping the slate clean every year. And at the very least, we can get some shiny new Pee-Chees and polyester pants for the effort.

Comments

[Neil]

Yes, I totally miss that back-to-school feeling. Although I still stock up on notebooks during the pre-school sales.

[j]

Nice idea. I think if I had it to do over again I'd allow myself more opportunities to fuck up. I was too much of a wussy and, yes, a bit of a geek, to get into much trouble. If only I realized then that it DIDN'T REALLY MATTER. Live and learn. Now if MY kid fucks up I'll kill him.

[j]

p.s. The PeeChee folder brought back H.S. memories of people (not me) drawing large schlongs on the one football player, making him look like he was doing his team-mate, the tennis player of course was whacking him in the back while the track guys were passing sticks of dynamite and/or penises.

[Daisy]

I had similar thoughts and feelings when getting my kids ready to go back to school this year. I too loved the start of a new school year and didn't understand those other kids who said they hated school. Does that make me a nerd? If so, I'll be that. I'd much rather hang out with the nerds that grew up than the douche bags that didn't. Those vile blood sucking globs of flesh and hair that we have to put up with day in and day out with no summer break.

PS - I love the way you worked "sucking sweaty goat balls" into the mix. You're my hero CB!