WEEKEND MIX

Lame blog alert

I've been sick all weekend. Losing sleep from my *big decision,* I think is to blame. That and the fact that there are very little vitamins in beer and chocolate - my diet of choice. I think my body finally shut down because of scurvy, or some sort of other disease brought on by a complete lack of fruits and vegetables. I'd eat a vegetable now, if I thought it would help. But I'm afraid that would only shock my body into complete and total shut down.

It amazes me each time I get sick how much snot a body can produce. I've come to figure out that if I could extract some sort of energy source from snot, I would be a rich woman. There has got to be a practical use for it, after all. It seems to have a high tensile strength, and not matter what I do to it, it is indestructible. Maybe I'll call NASA and see if they have any ideas.

Anyway, sorry for this lame post. I have only the cold medicine to blame. Did you know that if you take enough NyQuil, you can actually SEE God? He's shorter than I thought, by the way.

You also get no new photo album this week. I thought some of taking pictures of the mucus coming out of all of my orifices, but figured it would be under appreciated, not to mention redundant. I promise to make it up to you next week, as I have a work trip to Vegas Thursday, which lends itself to a lot of fun possibilities. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, unless you have a camera phone and a Web site, that is.

Sex sells

Since I've shared with you my story of the vibrator and the door bell, I have since learned of someone who had a vibrator that made her garage door go up and down. I'm wondering if with some research, we could find vibrators that activated all household appliances, making the need to get out of bed obsolete. I would be happy to volunteer my time in this quest for knowledge, by the way. All I need is financial backing.

I also wanted to thank you for all your kind comments regarding my decision to go back to journalism. Of course, since that time I realized how stressful my new job is going to be, making me wonder if I'm out of my freakin' mind. I have a feeling I'm going to need Cookiebitch more than ever now.

Finally, to all you wonderful men out there, I wanted to explain that I took some creative license with my last post, "BREAKING UP IS  HARD TO DO." I want you to know that I would never do anything so horrible as to secure a naked man to a tree in the wilderness and tie a raw steak to his penis. That would be a terrible waste of a good steak <wink>.

Web site of the week

If you liked my vibrator story, you'll love http://www.thatsembarrassing.com/sex.php filled with embarrassing sex stories. You can even post your own.

Comments

[Neil]

You just know it's gonna be the Japanese auto-makers who come up with the car that runs on snot, not our innovation-less General Motors, etc.

[Groonk]

Ye managed to work in the word 'scurvey' on this sacred day of speaking like pirates.
http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

ye won't have to walk the walk, lass.

and how 'bouts a snot powered vibrator?

arrrr!